


Cupcakes

by 8ad_Wolf



Series: Homestuck One-shots [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bad Cooking, Homestuck - Freeform, i put a recipe in the bottom note so yeah, i think it's a little bit of a given but roxy is going to do something to the cupcakes, something called "vodka", with help from my ten year old brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-06 21:14:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3148763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8ad_Wolf/pseuds/8ad_Wolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane and Roxy decide to make cupcakes for Jake's birthday. (As you might be able to guess, it's not going to end well.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cupcakes

**Author's Note:**

> This one is one my little brother helped me with. He gave me some ideas (and pestered me to "KEEP WRITING KEEP WRITINGGGGG.").

"Jane."

 You roll over. "I'm asleep. Please go away."

 "Janey. Wake up. We hafta make cupcakes for Jakey's birthday."

 

 "No we don't," you sigh. "Besides, its like six o'clock."

"Yes we doooo. And it's almost seven." You give in and look up. Roxy is leaning over you, her blonde hair a rat's nest. Her eyes are slightly unfocused.

"Fine," you mutter. "Just let me wake up first."

 "Great," she says, standing up straighter. "I'll be in the kitchen."

 

"Try not to make too much noise," you call after her.

 "Kay!" Roxy bangs down the stairs louder than you thought humanly possible. You groan and roll out of bed.

* * *

 When you walk downstairs, you hear loud clangs of metal. You figure Roxy's just digging in the cupboards for a mixing bowl.  You walk into the kitchen, ready to tell Roxy you have to eat breakfast before you bake, and see her lying on her stomach and playing with Lil Seb.

 You must have gasped, because Roxy looks up.

 

 "Morning," she says.

You splutter for a minute before saying, "Why is  _he_  out?"

 "I dunno. He was out when I got downstairs."

"...why?"

 "Jane, I don't know. Maybe he wanted to go for a walk."

"A walk?" You say, outraged. "I don't think  _normal_ pet rabbits go for walks, let alone  _robotic rabbits!_ "

"I thought he was a bunny," she supplies unhelpfully.

You groan and pick Lil Seb up. You set him on the counter and look for an 'off' button. You find it and switch it to 'sleep'.

 You look at Roxy. You shake your head a few times and say, "Okay, I guess."

 

"What?" Roxy asks. She stands up. "Also, how do we make cupcakes?"

"Well, we have to eat breakfast first, silly," you say. "We could make pancakes, but then we would have to wash the bowls twice beca-"

"No thank you," she says. "Do you just have cereal?"

 "Yeah, in the cabinet above the sink. I'll get some bowls." You do as you said you would, and set them on the kitchen table. Then you walk over to the fridge and get out the milk. You set that on the table, too, and walk over to help Roxy pick some cereal.

 

"What kind of cereal were you thinking?" you ask. 

She shrugs, and pulls out the first box she sees. "How 'bout this?" She waves the box around so you can't see it very well. You grab the box to keep it from shaking around so much. 

She has some off-brand cereal in her hand, and she's looking at the back of the box. You hover behind her for a minute, standing on tip-toes so you can read over her shoulder. She looks behind her at you after a second. 

"So that then?" You ask.

"Yea," she says, nodding. "It looks good."

You nod. You stand back down flat on your feet and walk over to the table. Roxy follows. She sits on the edge of the table and says, "So. What kind of cookies?"

"I thought we were making cupcakes?" you ask. You pour yourself a bowl of cereal and hand Roxy the box and a bowl. 

"Cookies, cupcakes, same difference." She pours some cereal and some milk in her bowl. "Jake won't care. As long as they're from _youuu._ "

"Yeah right," you say, your mouth full. You swallow. "He and Dirk are a thing, and I'm over him anyway."

Okay, that's not really the whole truth. Just _some_ of it. Jake and Dirk  _are_ a thing, but you're not actually over Jake. _But_ , you think, _water under the bridge_. You think that saying works there. 

"Oh-kay," Roxy says when she finishes her breakfast. "Cupcakes, ahoy!"

"Ahoy?" you ask. You get up and set the bowls in the sink. 

"Yep. Where are the bowls?" She starts opening and closing one of the cabinets like mixing bowls will magically appear.  You don't have the heart to tell her that's the cereal cabinet. 

"Under the- no, the cupboard on the right of the stove." You walk over and show her.

"Want to pull up a recipe?" Roxy gets out a few bowls. 

"Yeah," you say. You go into the living room and take your dad's laptop to open the Betty Crocker website. (You don't  _quite_  know the recipe yet. Almost, like you know all the ingredients, just not the amounts.)

"Here," you call from the living room. "Wait, chocolate?"

"Yeah. With mint frosting," she yells back. Ooh, mint frosting. That could be hard. (who are you kidding, no it's not.)

"Green mint or white?" 

"Green," she says, as expected. You open another tab and search for the recipe. 

"Found it!" you yell. You read off the first few instructions. "Remember to mix the wet stuff and dry stuff in different bowls!"

There's silence for a minute, then Roxy yells, "What?"

You sigh and unplug the laptop. You walk into the kitchen and set the computer on the counter. "Okay," you say. "So preheat the oven."

"What do you mean? Just-"

"Preheat means turn it on. Turn it to..." you glance at the recipe. "350. Okay?"

"Okay," she mutters as she messes with the oven controls. "350..."

The oven beeps a few time to show it's on. "Alright, now we need to beat a stick of butter in the mixer-"

"Beat it?" Roxy looks excited. 

"Yes, it's like... You put it in an electric mixer-" you point at the light blue stand mixer by the wall. "-and turn it to 'beat' to... beat it."

"Oh. Not like, _beat it_ beat it?"

"Ah- no." You don't want to know what she means by that. "Okay, and in another bowl, you need to mix the dry stuff. You put the butter in the mixer and set it to 'beat', and I'l do the dry stuff."

"Okay," she says, walking over to the fridge. "Only one?"

"Yep," you say. You get out the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda and powder, and salt out and whisk together the right amounts of each. The mixer on the other side of the kitchen is nice background noise.

Well, until you hear a grinding noise coming from your beloved mixer. You try not to panic as you ask, "Is everything okay over there?"

Roxy turns and looks at you. She has splatters of butter on her shirt and face. "I don't think I did it right," she says.

You set the whisk down and try not to walk too fast as you go see what the problem is. "Oh," you say, relieved. "You just used the wrong paddle. See, this one is plastic, and it has no holes, so it's not very good to beat with. Sorry, I should have checked."

"Okay. Two sticks of butter then. This one is all over me, so it's no good." You laugh. 

"Right. Maybe only half a stick, though." You walk back over and finish with the flour mixture. 

"Now what?" Roxy asks after a minute. 

"Now..." you glance at the laptop. "Now you can add in some sugar. Keep beating it, though. And after you add in 3/4 cup of sugar, add in an egg and a quarter teaspoon of vanilla."

"But we're making chocolate cupcakes, why would we need vanilla." she asks, shrugging. 

"It adds flavor," you answer. You look through the instructions while she does that, and your stomach sinks. "I mixed it wrong!"

"You did? Jane Crocker, baking extraordinaire, mixed something wrong?" Roxy looks at you again.

"Yes! I have to boil water and mix it with the cocoa! This recipe is different than the one I usually use!" Your voice is abnormally high-pitched.  

"Hey, Jane," Roxy says. She checks the mixer, then walks over to you. "It's fine. We can re-mix it. It's just a small mistake."

You calm down a little at that. "Yeah, okay." You walk over to the trash can with the bowl in your hands. You close your eyes, and dump the mixture in. You groan, open your eyes, and set the bowl on the counter.

You make sure to read the instructions all the way through so you don't have to throw anything else out.

* * *

The next little while passes uneventfully. Once the dry and wet ingredients are mixed together, you pause to take a bathroom break. You figure you can trust Roxy.

You come back and see Roxy pouring something into the chocolaty mix. "What's that," you ask suspiciously.

"Oh," she says.  "It's... my special ingredient. Don't worry, you'll love it." She steps so you can't see what it is. You reach around her and grab the bottle from her hands.

"Alcohol? Really?" you say. "I don't think Jake likes this!"

Roxy takes it back and looks at it. "Oh. Should I have gotten a different brand?"

"No, I don't think he likes... This! They're cupcakes! Besides, most of it will evaporate when it cooks!"

"Then what's the big deal?" Roxy asks.

That stops you. "It- It'll taste funny?" you say, though it sounds more like a question.

"Bull." She pours some more in.

"No more. It's time to put them in the oven." She frowns and sets the bottle on the counter. "And make frosting," you tell her. 

"Yes!" she says. 

You put the cupcakes in the oven, set the timer, and start on the frosting. You turn to get some powdered sugar. Then you hear a  _pop,_ then Roxy saying, "This won't cook out, will it!"

"What," you say. Roxy is pouring in more Vodka. You're not sure why this is a surprise to you. "Roxy, no more!"

She looks at you, sighs, then puts the cap back on the bottle. "Fine. I hope you appreciate my help," she grumbles. 

"I do," you assure her. "Don't worry. Now we just need some food coloring."

You mix it all together, taste it, and decide it didn't turn out  _too_ bad. 

"Now we just need to-" you start. The oven beeps, and Roxy gets the tray out of the oven. She sets it on the stove, and you turn on the stove fan. 

The cupcakes taste fine, and when they're cool, you frost them with the Vodka Mint frosting. You and Roxy tap your cupcakes together, and take a bite. 

"Mmm- eugh," Roxy says. "Weird aftertaste."

You open and close your mouth a few times. "Yeah. They taste pretty okay, though."

"Think Jake'll like 'em?" she asks, finishing her cupcake. 

"I hope so," you say, "because that was a lot of work for one batch of cupcakes."

**Author's Note:**

> I actually did use a recipe to look at while I wrote this. I used a Betty Crocker one (strictly for ironic purposes (well and also because Jane was the one that was making them and let's face it she would use a BC recipe))  
> So here.  
> Chocolate cupcakes: http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/dark-chocolate-cupcakes/5fdeddad-2b8f-48aa-8e7e-faba07ea0aca
> 
> Mint frosting: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/mint-buttercream-frosting-with-dark-chocolate-glaze/ (ignore the glaze part)


End file.
